Donna Barstow interview.

Reader’s I decided to do something different today and bring you a little Q&A I had with a prospective client, Donna Barstow. She doesn’t know I’m posting this, but I slept through ethics class in law school, so it should fall under plausible deniability right? Right.

Me:  So why did you want to hire me?

Donna:  These guys at Something Awful are terrible people and need to be taught a lesson. They’ve called me racist and other defamatory terms.

Me:  What defamation have you faced?

Donna:  Well they said my cartoons are poorly drawn, not funny, and they called me old.

Me:  That’s reprehensible.

Donna:  Exactly! And they wrote down obscene words like the f word.

Me:  Isn’t that a crime?

Donna:  That’s exactly what I told this guy pretending to be a law school graduate on twitter. You can’t just go around typing fuck, shit, racist cartoonist, etc. Those words are illegal.

Me:  It seems anyone can pretend to be a lawyer nowadays. 

Donna:  So I was wondering Mr. Carreon, what can I do about this?

Me:  First we will send this Something Awful place a quite awful cease and desist letter demanding $100,000 for reputational harm and lost business. We will also ask for 1 live Tyrannosaurus Rex for attorney fees.

Donna:  What if they only have money and no dinosaurs?

Me:  Then I will sue them.

Donna:  What if I don’t want you to sue them, just want the money?

Me:  You can have your money, I’ll sue them personally for trademark infringement when they undoubtedly use my name to describe our demands to the public.

Donna:  Uh…

Me:  Oh and we’ll draw dicks on all the employees of Something Awful, you are a cartoonist right?

Donna:  I’m not sure if I am okay with that.

Me:   Oh never mind, Tara can do that.

Donna:  I need to go now…

Me:  Okay see you soon!

I think that went well.

Charles Carreon Esq.

[The real Donna Barstow refused to respond to me :( ]

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