Bow Before My Lawness.

You are telling me these plaques aren’t the sexiest pieces of lawyer swag ever? I do not believe you. I own 1 for each year I’ve been part of the Bar. I tried to have custom T-Rex ones made, but the company said they had too many wolf ones left from some run 30 years ago to begin a new run. Which is probably why Ken at Popehat doesn’t want you to order these beauties, so I never get my T-Rex knives. He will do anything to make my life a living hell.

I made an info graph out of crayon and papyrus to show how evil Ken really is, however… it was hot yesterday and I left it in the car. It melted. Every corner I turn, every thing I hold special, Ken is there to spoil it, to tarnish it, or to make it look outright ridiculous. This cannot and will not stand. I shall draw more digital images of him as a swine. That’ll teach him and firmly reclaim the moral high ground for me. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW BACON BOY?!

Classy,

Charles Carreon Esq.

What if they have a T-Rex?

I though of something entirely terrifying tonight. What if my enemies already have a Tyrannosaurus Rex? What if it’s been some kind of cat and mouse game, but the whole time it was them just toying with me as a cat would do? That would mean that no matter what I do, they’ve already won…

Am I crazy? Could I just be paranoid? Only if it’s crazy to assume all my detractors are Nazi Illuminati Conspirators, and we all know that’s perfectly sane. Could a paranoid person come up with a website called rapeutation.com that outlined an internet wide conspiracy to drag my name through the dirt? No, of course not. I’m sane. I really am. What’s insane is people trying to tell me to man up an accept I’m not some victim, just a narcissistic asshole.

Well Adjusted,

Charles Carreon Esq.

My letter to my new guest post author!

Hello,

I do like the idea of guest uposting on my blog as I have many readers who request more frequent and varied posts but not enough time to keep up some days. My blog mainly deals with travel, legal commentary, and cloning. I was would definitely like to expand my topics and was wondering if someone could help write a guest post about luggage for the BSDM enthusiast, midget, dinosaur cloning researcher? This is a topic that greatly interests me and my readers and would add much to my blog. Unfortunately though I write about dinosaur cloning and luggage extensively, I do not know much about BSDM or midgets. If you could recommend a luggage brand based on that outline and maybe even fine pictures of midgets doing BSDM in lab coats, I’d appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Charles Carreon Esq.
On Sep 12, 2012, at 10:08 AM, Webmaster <links@sachsmarketinggroup.com> wrote:

Hello,
I recently came across your website and I wanted to reach out to you
because I admin a couple of similar websites with a primary focus on travel,
luggage, etc…
I was wondering if you might be interested in linking to our
website.  I think the similarity in our sites would complement each other
nicely.
If you would be kind enough to link to our site(s), I would be more
than happy to return the favor in some form.  I have numerous contacts and
tons of other sites (PR 1-4).
I would be interested in a 3-way link exchange relationship with
you.  Our site is here:

http://www.specialtyluggage.com/links.aspx

We also have several content writers constantly creating updated
content.  We would be interested in a guest post relationship as well.  If that
would be something you were interested in let us know.
Thank you very much.  I hope to have the opportunity to build a
relationship!
Sincerely,
Jordan Scardino
805.494.3232

This is how I thug.

This is how I thug(full text). Once my detractors don’t waffle after being threatened with six figure sums, and they show the annoying tenacity to continue to mock me and bring out unethical behaviors of my past, I like to go after their employment. One of the best douchebag moves, the most censoriously brilliant play, is to try and get your critics fired. It’s right up there with going after their uninvolved family members and photoshopping dicks on their faces. Everyone uses their work computer for personal tasks, just like me. Hence it’s really easy to get people fired that way.

Even if they don’t back down after being fired, hopefully they’ll go broke and lose the ability to pay for their internet or their defense. Either way I win. If they aren’t fired they still know that if they continue criticizing me, I’ll try to hurt them in any way possible, which also chills their speech. It’s all a direct ladder of thuggery:

  1. Be thuggish douchebag censor on the internet.
  2. Anonymous people criticize you on websites.
  3. Threaten anonymous person with big cash judgements.
  4. Threaten anonymous person’s webhost for their identity.
  5. Use their identity to try to shame them.
  6. Use their identity to find out their employer and harass them.

Brilliant yes?

Super Thug,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Nazi Fighting Dinosaurs

This is why I need a Tyrannosaurus Rex. What are you going to fight a horde of Oatmeal loving Nazis with? A COMMANDO DINOSAUR THAT’S WHAT! See, I can now prove without a doubt that dinocloning is possible. If the United States did it back in the 1930′s why can’t it be done now? There is no reason, other than the Illuminati convincing us it isn’t possible. See the Illuminati know that dinosaurs could tilt the balance of power away from them, and they refuse to let that happen. More specifically, Matthew Inman and Kenneth White refuse to let that happen. This is a battle for the future, the present, and the past. A battle which we cannot lose and direly need dinosaurs to help us win.

The proof is right there in front of you. Dinosaurs have been successfully cloned and weaponized since World War II. It’s possible, it’s practical, and any sane person will tell you, a gun toting T-Rex is an awesome idea.

Hyped,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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