It’s been weeks since we left our house. The conditions have become squalid and unbearable. I haven’t had a latte in forever and feel like the world is coming to an end. Why won’t these Illuminati leave me be? Every door knock, telephone ring, and stranger on the street could be an agent of my nemesis, the Oatmeal. We are running low on supplies, we’ve been subsisting off of saltine crackers and ketchup for 3 days now, and I am tired of using supermarket ads for toilet paper. Our television broke a week ago too, so I’ve been flipping through my only entertainment, a binder full of women.
Please if any Dinosaur sympathizers are out there with an airplane, please airdrop us supplies! With your help my dinocloning device made out of mucus and uncooked macaroni can continue being built. Together with your airplane, toilet paper, food, and my brains, we’d be unstoppable! Together we can stop all these people with silly names, like oatmeal, popehat, and Barack Obama.
Help!
Charles Carreon Esq.
Nicholas Weaver
/ October 19, 2012I’ll airdrop you supplies. Wrapped in this bit of paper I have here…
Tali McPike
/ October 19, 2012Maybe we could get that trained Nazi fighting dinosaur to serve him…it would be the last thing he would expect.
tootie
/ October 20, 2012I had wondered what had made Tara STFU. Little did I know the Carreon family had their own special rock to hide under.
marc
/ October 23, 2012Tell the process server to hang out at the Sky Bar on Wednesdays in Tuscon. The Carreons (the real ones) like to hang out there and terrorize the paying customers during open-mike night.
Tali McPike
/ October 23, 2012And by “terrorize” do you mean subject them to performances of Pterodactyl Killa?
marc
/ October 23, 2012Worse. I mean with stuff like this on their Nader Library forums:
http://anonymouse.org/cgi-bin/anon-www.cgi/http://www.naderlibrary.com/bulletin_board/viewtopic.php?t=887&sid=53a31a6dbf44dc3ec8c430e6796b7b6c
Tali McPike
/ October 27, 2012Oh God.