Ghastly Enemies At The Gate

It’s about time. It took my Illuminati advasaries nearly 5 months to track me down. What sort of secret society are they anyways? I am starting to think that their all powerful manipulation is a weapon that they wield inefficiently.

Apparently my new invention the DinoBrain™ is working well. What is DinoBrain™? I take the finest alloy metal that has been pressed and rolled into sheets (aluminum foil) and form it into a bowl shape. I then insert powdered dinosaur (alligator) bone and Hunts™ ketchup into the bowl and mix it into a paste. I tried using Heinz™ ketchup, but the Illuminati can see right through that stuff. Then I take additional rare alloy sheet metal and form a insular dome over the original dome and press the whole apparatus over my head to mold it to it’s shape. I then bake the mold for 6 hours at 275 degrees in order to set it and make it impregnable to Illuminati mind location devices.

It’s easily apparent that Cathy Gellis, or as the Illuminati call her Magister Exploratores, only located me as I had to take off my DinoBrain™ to pass through metal detectors at a court house. You see the Illuminati make sure that there are metal detectors every where, especially where you travel. Why? So that you’d have to take off your mind blocking helmets if you are to change locations, therefor they can track you always. She says in her filing:

On November 15, 2012, I personally served defendant the Summons and Amended Complaint in this case on defendant Charles Carreon. After Mr. Carreon told my co-counsel, Mr. Levy, that he was unwilling to expose himself to service (a copy of his email is attached as Exhibit A), I verified that he was scheduled to present oral argument on November 15 in a case pending before Judge Chen. I went to Judge Chen’s courtroom in the Federal Building, 450 Golden Gate Avenue, San Francisco, California. At 10:15 Mr. Carreon’s matter was called, and he identified himself to the court. At 10:50 his hearing concluded. I waited in the hall for Mr. Carreon to leave the courtroom, which he did by 10:55. When he did, I addressed him by name and said I had a summons and complaint for him. He extended his arm and took them. Service thus complete, I left the courthouse.

What she didn’t mention is how she appeared out of thin air like some sort of ghastly wraith and brought me to my knees with her Illuminati mind powers. She says I extended my arm to take the papers from her, but that is completely false. I extended my arm to shield my face from her piercing gaze that stuck me into my soul. I tell you these Illuminati are completely evil. No decent person would stand up for some no-name blogger who was at odds with a powerful lawyer like me. Real lawyers stick together, they do not argue cases for other people.

My psychic wounds are slowly healing now, as I regain my strength I will begin to hatch a plot to undo my tormentors. I have new allies too, like David Blade III and the clone of Herbert Hoover. Together we will breed a legion of dinosaurs to wreak havoc and let loose the dogs of war!

Beaten but not beat,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Guest Post “United Against Ken Popehat”

Dear Mr Carreon

My name is David Blade, I am the Takedown Hammer. I have an…lets say, arrangement, with Is Anybody Down. See, I help people whose pictures and information end up on the sight get it down, for a small fee. I’m friends with the admins so its easy for me to get things done. But recently those meddling kids over at Popehat and LegalSatyricon are creating a whole heap of trouble for me. I think a defamation suit is in order, and being that this is out of my area of expertise, I happily accept you offer for help.

 

Your plan of action is reasonable. My only request is that along with the money, you demand Zombie Kittens…I need them for a side project that you and your dinosaurs will probably be interested in. I also want your wife Tara to get busy on more MS Paint pictures of these people who dare accuse me of such terrible things (I mean, I only run a revenge porn sight…I mean I KNOW someone who runs one, yeah. Its not like I’m a dirty lowlife or anything), I need them to decorate my new website because right now it looks too much like that lawyer wannbe Adam Steinbaugh’s page.

 

I have put out a bounty program to get your DNA laden amber and will be sending my the archives of the website over soon.

 

I look forward to working with you

Craig…I mean David, yeah

David Blade, III

TO: Craig Brittain RE: I hate Ken Popehat too!

Dear Craig Brittain,

If you have read my arch nemesis’ blog popehat.com, you should know how much hassle he has caused for me. It is because of this, and his now continual harassment of you, that I say we should sue him for mental distress on your part. I also say we go after that law quoting neophyte Adam Steinbaugh for trying to make you look like a fool. These two legal harpies must, and will be taught a lesson.We can even stick it to Marc Randazza for taking me off his Christmas Card list… or for threatening you… that’s a better legal strategy probably.Here is how:

1.   I will draft a letter to all parties envolved stating that they have caused you emotional stress.

2.   I will demand $20,000 and that their domains now point to your illustrious website.

3.   I will use half of the $20,000 to clone a T-Rex.

4.   The T-Rex will eat Ken Popehat, Adam Steinbaugh, and Marc Randazza

5.   Crystal Cox will send you a thank you card.

6.   I will take the other half of the $20,000 and set up a Charitable Trust for you.

All I require is an advancement of one DNA sample from an amber mosquito and a site rip of all your currently hosted pictures… for research.

Sincerely,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 73 other followers

%d bloggers like this: