Be Heard V

Anonymous wrote:

Mr. Carreon, no doubt are you aware of the shitstorm that went on when tosh.0 made a heinous rape joke: such behavior is very problematic. This isn’t a threat of any kind, but I, and many others, would greatly appreciate if you didn’t fling around the word ‘rape’ in such a joking manner, such as with your website: “rapeutation.com”

The usage of the word is highly offensive and references a terrifying act of power and violence against another individual that, while I do not wish to diminish whatever trauma you may have received via threats and humiliation due to the oatmeal case, is not comparable to a sexual assault. I would appreciate it if you would put this into consideration and rename your website.

Be Heard IV

Here are two letters from the secret Illuminati member Shannon. Quite frankly I can’t even figure out how Mr. Carreon was able to read her email address when she mailed him, as it was encrypted through CIA servers.

Hey SatCharles!

This is so cool! I figured the slime ball wouldn’t even take the time to read my email, much less post it for the whole world to see!! I feel so powerful right now I’m almost giddy. All of this just because I love my oatmeal!

I’ve been called many things in my 48 years on Earth, but no one has ever called me a “rapeutationist” before.  I might need to get some new business cards made. I think it should be spelled with a capital R for proper reverence and effect. After all, there can be that many of us, right? I was never comfortable with the whole “soccer mom” stereotype label. OMG-the other mom’s are going to be so freaking jealous when they hear about this! Top that bitches!
I am disappointed that he didn’t answer any of my questions and that you have to scroll through almost all of the other letters to get to mine. Do you think I should write him again with a little reminder that I’m still awaiting his reply? You know us rapeutationists, if nothing else, we are a determined group! Of course, I can only speak for myself, I wouldn’t want to overstep my bounds or misrepresent myself as a “rapeutationist.” You know, if you say it slowly, it almost sounds kind of sexy in a weird, twisted way. You gotta give him credit, the guy has a way with words!

So thanks for the heads-up!

Shannon (yep-it’s my real name)

————————————————————————————————
First of all, thank you again for letting me know about this. Mr. Carreon has not made any direct contact with me even though he has my full name, city of residence and a valid email address. I have lived in the same home for 18 years, so my street address and home phone number would be easy to locate either online or in the local phone book.

Those of us here in Seattle are proud of the neighborhood we call “Funky” Fremont, also known as “The Center of the Known Universe.” The residents like to claim they started the bumper sticker revolution that asked for “Whirrled Peas” rather than world peace. They host a naked bicycle parade every year on the summer solstice that is a sight to behold. They even have a life-size troll carved under the I-5 Freeway bridge at the Fremont Exit. Matthew Inman and The Oatmeal are an important piece of the Fremont family.

I can copy any design or project but I didn’t inherit the gene to create new and magical things and I am in awe of those that can. Mr. Inman has the ability to make people laugh in a world where there is sometimes very little to laugh at. My life isn’t an easy one, I won’t bore you with the details, but I need every laugh, smile, or guffaw I can get. When FunnyJunk stole original ideas from Mr. Inman. He went through the proper channels asking them to stop. As a result, he has ended up in a big fat pile of crazy.

I was not, as Mr. Carreon claims, “marshaled into an army” nor did I try to “besiege (my) website and send (me) a string of obscene emails.” I wouldn’t have a clue how to “besiege” any one or any thing. I have no idea what a  “denial of service” attack is either. I’m just a gal from Seattle lending support to neighbor. I wrote one polite, slightly tongue-in-cheek letter asking the attorney representing Funnyjunk to explain what had happened and what was going to happen. (I also asked him his personal views of television programs such as LA Law and Mad Men, but that is neither here nor there.) My letter contained no obscenities.  The idea that he is accusing me of a form of rape makes my stomach turn. His mocking of such a serious crime against humanity is vile and I believe shows his true colors.

Print this and my first letter to you if you wish. Like I have said before, I’m a big girl and can spot a bully a mile away. I speak only the truth and live my life with no regrets. Bring it on Mr. Carreon. You have been warned.

Shannon Radoll (this is my real name)

aka-Shannon in Seattle, sradoll@yahoo.com

Be Heard III

Dear Mr. Carreon,
My name is Richard Walls, one of the many people whose emails you published in public recently on your site. In my previous electronic letter I assumed and gave you the benefit of the doubt having faith that you would be a sensible and appreciable man who could take my honest criticism and do some good with it. I wrote to you with a sincerely positive intention and am shocked to find that my email has found its way into your ‘hatemail’ display. You are attempting, very blatantly, to draw attention to individuals who have criticized you in a negative way which is a far more obvious attempt at defamation of character than that which has been directed at yourself. This ‘wall of shame’ is unacceptably childish for an adult, much less a legal professional, and I would advise you to remove it for the sake of what remains of your reputation in the world. I was not a part of any organized attempts to harm your character, I had no interest in bringing you down, only in helping you better understand and emerge from your situation with as little harm as possible. I am not a zombie, I am not a defamer, and I am not a man who will tolerate this ridiculous attempt at internet bullying. Your publishing of my name and email address mean only enough to catch my attention, not enough to harm or cause me any personal distress, though the concept behind this sickens me. Mr. Carreon I had hoped you would be a better man than people portrayed you but you continue to exceed the stated expectations.

Attached to this you should find a photo of myself because I am not afraid to have my opinions and my words acknowledged and attributed to me so please, go ahead. You’ve got a photo to work with so I’m sure you can give me a section in your ‘rapeutationists’ page. I’ll even write the jokes for you, ‘this dirty fecal-frumper is going to have to come out of the bathroom closet someday. Its only a matter of time afterall, everyone who disagrees with me is just a sexy turd away from ending up like this fag.’ See? I put together your two favorite things, bad poop and bad gay jokes. If you don’t like that heres a handful of things I’ve accomplished you can make fun of and demonize: Debate team, practicing poet/artist, Atheist, library volunteer work with children and young adults, volunteer shelter work, Portuguese, Eagle Scout, Under 6′ tall, roleplayer, etc. I have no fear of you or your attempts to demonize myself or any other persons seeking to honestly and critically offer their thoughts to you. You, however, seem to be terrified of it. Your blog refuses comments, your posted emails have yours omitted, and you’ve made many efforts to make it difficult for you to be reached and responded to in any form. This is ineffective and frankly, disgraceful. There is one very important thing to note though, I will not come down to your level and spout out juvenile comments unintended for humor. I admittedly made light of your situation in the concluding paragraph of my email, hoping the humor might brighten your day, but I never wrote with a malicious intent towards anyone as you have and do.

I am not a hater, I am not a detractor, I am not a zombie, I am not a rapeutationist, I am not part of any organized attack. I am a concerned individual who has taken time out of their busy day to address you in the hopes that you’ll retain some rationality and come to the conclusion that your downwards spiral will get you nowhere except deeper in the pile of shit…yes, I made a poop joke, you’re not the only one who can chuckle at brown stuff.

Sincerely,
OneConcernedSoul

Be Heard Part 2

Another email from a reader.

I’m not so much writing this here because I am afraid, but more because I don’t know where else to put this.

I think it’s important that we shatter Carreon’s delusions about the world.  He seems to believe that everyone who opposes him is some mindless being connected to The Oatmeal directly, much as everyone who supports him is some mindless (or utterly psychotic in the case of Tara) being connected to him.  It’s a basic psychological fallacy to assume that your condition is a general condition of humans.

He does not seem to realize that his actions do violence not only against Matthew Inman, but humanity in general.  He is sticking up for the principle that defamation laws should protect people’s reputations from their own actions.  He is sticking up for the idea that speech is only OK if it’s attacking the right people or it doesn’t break some subjective barrier that some human is capable of arbitrating.

He and his wife seem to believe that their tastes should be used to determine whether speech is OK or not.  Could you imagine a world where that happened,  where Mr. Carreon is an arbiter of speech?  I could print out pictures of Mr. Carreon, poop on one each day for a month, photograph them, and post them to a blog, and it would be infinitely more tasteful, clever, sane, intelligent, ethical, and lawful than anything he or his wife have said on this matter.

The point of this tirade is not to simply criticize Mr. Carreon’s actions further, as I think he has received enough criticism for the “merits” of his individual actions.  The point of this is to point out that Carreon is not simply an enemy of The Oatmeal and his imaginary zombie followers.  He is not simply an enemy of some imaginary monolithic consensus on the internet.  He is an enemy of mankind, whose actions are a tyrannical abuse of process that, if generally successful, could crush free exchange of ideas at taxpayer expense, allowing any common thug who went to law school to control social change, technological advances, and criticism of unethical government entities or corporations.  In fact, legislatures have specifically enacted laws to make such abuses easier to identify and crush early on.  Somehow it is a mystery that anyone would oppose his actions.

Does Mr. Carreon respond to the notion that his actions are illegal?  From what I have seen, he seems to believe that a number of circumstances here override the rule of law.  He seems to imply that The Oatmeal’s “Your Mom” joke directed to his client was so offensive and unethical that it overrides the rule of law, or had some magical power to dehumanize him that clearly incited people to take illegal action against him despite the very strict legal definition of incitement (designed to protect people from lawyers like Carreon). He implies that being angry, donating ten dollars to an art project, and having a law degree makes him the attorney general or otherwise some kind of prosecutor.  He implies not only that the government should “protect” people from the possible consequences of their own actions in this matter, but that he, some dude with a law degree far from the influence of voters, should be able to “protect” people from the possible consequences of their own actions.  He thinks that the fact that he doesn’t like someone and that they *could* be doing something unethical and/or illegal is evidence that they are and cause to put a restraining order on them (or he is willfully trying to abuse the system, which is quite probable).

Did he admit defeat when a bunch of humiliating briefs pointed out that he had no case?  Nope.  He claimed victory, asserting that the checks going where they were supposed to go all along was all he ever wanted, despite the fact that he used this frivolous case as a vehicle to get his even more frivolous incitement case to court.  This is why I feel the need to crush his delusions of grandeur.  The best way to do this would probably be for the courts to award Rule 11 damages on this case, although I’m not sure who should seek them.  Unlike Carreon, the people he harasses have lives.  Becoming permanently disbarred would probably be good for him.  I feel like if anything can make him snap out of this, it’s some condemnation from the judicial system.

Mr. Carreon:  You are not above the law, as you seem to believe.  You are not Batman.  You are some thug with a law degree.  Not even Ralph Nader is enough of a nut to support you on this matter (although, were he, that still wouldn’t help your case).  By the way, did you get any response from him regarding your request to forward your lawless threats to him?  I’d love to read it.
As far as I know Ralph Nader has not gotten back to Mr. Carreon. I doubt many people who have such people seemingly obsessed with them do.

Democracy!

Due to an overwhelming majority vote there will now be an Ask Charles section for real! Here are the official results for my question “Do you want an actual ‘Ask Charles’ section”:

Yes, please do so as the Charles Carreon Esq. character. 71.89%  (463 votes)

Yes, but I’d rather you do it as the actual author. 7.45%  (48 votes)

No. That’s a stupid idea. You now owe me dinosaurs for your ridiculousness. 20.65%  (133 votes)

So send me your questions (satiricalcharles@gmail.com) and I’ll reply to them as Charles Carreon in posts when I get enough. This will be a regular section on this blog and you can ask really about anything. Try not to be too lewd though, it makes me uncomfortable thinking about Mr. Carreon that way. Seriously. I get kind of sick.

A question.

I wanted to do something special for Independence Day. I asked my hosting service if we could blow up my blog like a firework, but they said that wasn’t feasible and might result in charges being filed against me. Then I emailed Kingsford on how to bbq a blog, they didn’t respond. I tried to brew the blog, but all I did was get my shoes wet. After many failed attempts at baking it into an apple pie, I decided that how better to celebrate freedom than to vote as a democratic people. So here it is, my Illuminati endorsed poll. 6 out of 7 Bavarians agree, it’s better than frivolous lawsuits.

Be Heard Part 1

An anonymous reader sent me this. The fact that they have to worry about sharing their opinion upsets me. If you are causing people to think twice about expressing themselves, good chances are, you are now a censor. I guess that’s what happens when you threaten to name 100 Does in a lawsuit. You make anyone who talked about you wonder “Am I next?”

Honestly, I’ve been willing to give Mr. Carreon the benefit of the doubt. Despite all appearances he may truly believe he is right in all of this. Possibly this is the result of his otherwise noble intentions corrupted for reason I cannot fathom. I could imagine he is lonely. I could imagine he is confused by the legions of friends and acquaintances that have shunned him publicly. I start to pity him.

But, just as I am starting to wonder how hollow his world is, I feel fear. I have been reading and commenting on various blogs during this ordeal. I have not been as derisive as most, but I have openly mocked him. I have been doing the same types of activities that I have been doing on many different hobby sites. Could I somehow be drug into this as one of Carreon’s enemies? Could I be sued by Charles Carreon for generally minding my daily business? His ability to find cause is impressive. I wouldn’t have the resources to defend myself if he tried to hound me today, or three years from now. His actions and attitudes have made my daily routine feel dangerous. I am afraid to post, to read, to surf. He might somehow decide I have wronged him.

This is why, in the moment before I feel real pity for the fate he has inflicted upon himself, I think to myself, “Fuck you, Charles Carreon.”

Another reader emails me:

I used to work for the Ramones for quite a while with the sound company and I can tell you WITHOUT A DOUBT that the Ramones would not appreciate that toolbag Charles Carreon wearing any Ramones swag in public. I wish he would refrain from tarnishing the Ramone image while he spreads his legal clap-trap around the web.

Being an informative person I reply:

How do you feel about him using joeyramone.org for his stuff?

To which they replied:

If it was up to me, I`d sue him for using the likenesses and what not. As a matter of fact, now that I`m aware of this site, I`ll call attention to it to the appropriate people.

If anyone else has emailed me or is going to, and wants to be in my next segment let me know. I might even turn “Ask Charles” into an actual page. Ideas?

[Edited for clarity]

Oh yes she did.

Donate.

This week the Internet watched as an attorney tried to halt charitable giving and attack the First Amendment rights of a web comic, because said attorney’s feelings were hurt.  What started as an amazing charity, which proved beyond a shadow of doubt the lengths the Internet is willing to go to preserve our rights to freedom of speech and help out great causes in the process, quickly became a legal circus, with the butthurt attorney as the ring leader.  As a result of his legal shenanigans two charities that might have received sizable donations, now will not.

A break from character.

Readers,

I am not posting this satirically as I originally intended. I had half of this post drafted and then realized the subject matter would be done a disservice by making it into another joke. As anyone who reads this blog might know, I value free speech. I also can be a world class troll if I need to. Maybe that is why I am such a proponent of the First Amendment. I believe through free speech we are granted the ability to do real journalism based on fact and truth without fear of retribution or intimidation.

That being said, free speech and journalism fails when our journalist become lazy and start taking shortcuts. Shortcuts like just pasting an interview into an article with no analysis of the facts. Journalism where the author of an article becomes a mouthpiece for the subject of his piece. I have seen many easily researchable errors while covering Charles Carreon. I also see something sinister happening where Matthew Inman (under advice) is no longer fixing these errors in interviews because of the legal action taken against him. Journalist are allowing Mr. Carreon to frame the conversation as he sees fit, and not standing up for the truth.

Dave Thier of Forbes – Quotes Charles Carreon that IndieGoGo is going to take 9% of the Bear Love fundraiser. When called out on actual facts he in the comment section repeats 9% then does not respond to figures actually obtained from IndieGoGo.com

Michael Cavna of the Washington Post – Repeats Carreon’s line that the picture Matthew Inman drew was of Carreon’s mother, even though it was of the FunnyJunk admin’s mother.

These are but a few of many examples of letting one person frame a debate with journalist who could, and should, place emphasis on the truth. Without a diligent press our freedom will fail. We cannot as a free people allow shortcuts or lack of analytical thought to take us down a dark path. This is also a reminder to anyone who reads a news article, think critically. Do not assume fact because it is in print. Research it if the subject interests you and be a party to our freedom.

Thank You,

Chris

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 73 other followers

%d bloggers like this: