Fluoride.

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You know all those conspiracies that revolve around fluoride in your water? Well it’s true. I have proof too. One of the evil Popehat’s staunchest allies Adam Steinbaugh had once vexed me tirelessly, but now that I have learned the trick of fluoride mind control, also known as Cavity Oral Suggestion Technique (COST), he is fully under my control. To prove it, I submit these exhibits on the record:

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You see!?! My new minion already does my righteous bidding. He has procured me a fine T-Rex skeleton made from metal to produce my first ever, Robosaurus Rex!!!!! That massive metal frame along with these unsuspecting schmucks who created a cheap $45 robot controlling super computer, I will be invincible!

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So Popehat’s Legion of Haters better beware, I am coming for them and they should rightfully be afraid of torture. Hell hath no fury like a Carreon scorned. Soon I will be marching my army of Robosaurus Rex against the Illuminati. There is no stopping me now. The end nears for the dastardly cowards who oppose liberty. My first amendment right to threaten vexatious legal thuggery will be upheld!

Robotics Engineer,

Charles Carreon Esq.

I have triumphed!

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My vile enemy Christopher Recouvreur has accepted my offer of judgement, I have won. Yes I was able to scare, harass, and annoy him and his employer and get away without losing my DinoCloner™!  He might still be able to make fun of me on his website that clearly uses my own name, but now I am free to use my considerably skills to continue on against the other Illuminati. Just like with that vile Inman character, I have won by losing. Losing and winning at the same time is an art form I perfected during the Sex.com case. I won the case, lost my fees, but wrote a book about it making myself look like a lawyer version of the Terminator.

Maybe I should write a book about ducking service against a plaintiff that I myself threatened to frivolously sue. I can title it, “The Assassination of Free Speech By The Coward Charles Carreon” or, “The Charles-Carreon.com Chronicles.” I could just write a book about my cloning of dinosaurs… maybe “Triassic Mark.”

Remember potential clients, if anyone says anything that doesn’t make you feel like unicorns are prancing across a rainbow inside your soul, I will be there to threaten lawsuit against your adversary. If they make a blog that pretends you are some half lawyer, half scientist quack, I can force their weak willed domain registrar to identify them. Introducing my new slogan:

If your soul doesn’t feel like unicorns prancing on rainbows, call Charles Carreon Esq.

#Winning,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Ghastly Enemies At The Gate

It’s about time. It took my Illuminati advasaries nearly 5 months to track me down. What sort of secret society are they anyways? I am starting to think that their all powerful manipulation is a weapon that they wield inefficiently.

Apparently my new invention the DinoBrain™ is working well. What is DinoBrain™? I take the finest alloy metal that has been pressed and rolled into sheets (aluminum foil) and form it into a bowl shape. I then insert powdered dinosaur (alligator) bone and Hunts™ ketchup into the bowl and mix it into a paste. I tried using Heinz™ ketchup, but the Illuminati can see right through that stuff. Then I take additional rare alloy sheet metal and form a insular dome over the original dome and press the whole apparatus over my head to mold it to it’s shape. I then bake the mold for 6 hours at 275 degrees in order to set it and make it impregnable to Illuminati mind location devices.

It’s easily apparent that Cathy Gellis, or as the Illuminati call her Magister Exploratores, only located me as I had to take off my DinoBrain™ to pass through metal detectors at a court house. You see the Illuminati make sure that there are metal detectors every where, especially where you travel. Why? So that you’d have to take off your mind blocking helmets if you are to change locations, therefor they can track you always. She says in her filing:

On November 15, 2012, I personally served defendant the Summons and Amended Complaint in this case on defendant Charles Carreon. After Mr. Carreon told my co-counsel, Mr. Levy, that he was unwilling to expose himself to service (a copy of his email is attached as Exhibit A), I verified that he was scheduled to present oral argument on November 15 in a case pending before Judge Chen. I went to Judge Chen’s courtroom in the Federal Building, 450 Golden Gate Avenue, San Francisco, California. At 10:15 Mr. Carreon’s matter was called, and he identified himself to the court. At 10:50 his hearing concluded. I waited in the hall for Mr. Carreon to leave the courtroom, which he did by 10:55. When he did, I addressed him by name and said I had a summons and complaint for him. He extended his arm and took them. Service thus complete, I left the courthouse.

What she didn’t mention is how she appeared out of thin air like some sort of ghastly wraith and brought me to my knees with her Illuminati mind powers. She says I extended my arm to take the papers from her, but that is completely false. I extended my arm to shield my face from her piercing gaze that stuck me into my soul. I tell you these Illuminati are completely evil. No decent person would stand up for some no-name blogger who was at odds with a powerful lawyer like me. Real lawyers stick together, they do not argue cases for other people.

My psychic wounds are slowly healing now, as I regain my strength I will begin to hatch a plot to undo my tormentors. I have new allies too, like David Blade III and the clone of Herbert Hoover. Together we will breed a legion of dinosaurs to wreak havoc and let loose the dogs of war!

Beaten but not beat,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Does Anyone Have An Airplane?

 

It’s been weeks since we left our house. The conditions have become squalid and unbearable. I haven’t had a latte in forever and feel like the world is coming to an end. Why won’t these Illuminati leave me be? Every door knock, telephone ring, and stranger on the street could be an agent of my nemesis, the Oatmeal. We are running low on supplies, we’ve been subsisting off of saltine crackers and ketchup for 3 days now, and I am tired of using supermarket ads for toilet paper. Our television broke a week ago too, so I’ve been flipping through my only entertainment, a binder full of women.

Please if any Dinosaur sympathizers are out there with an airplane, please airdrop us supplies! With your help my dinocloning device made out of mucus and uncooked macaroni can continue being built. Together with your airplane, toilet paper, food, and my brains, we’d be unstoppable! Together we can stop all these people with silly names, like oatmeal, popehat, and Barack Obama.

Help!

Charles Carreon Esq.

Nazi Fighting Dinosaurs

This is why I need a Tyrannosaurus Rex. What are you going to fight a horde of Oatmeal loving Nazis with? A COMMANDO DINOSAUR THAT’S WHAT! See, I can now prove without a doubt that dinocloning is possible. If the United States did it back in the 1930′s why can’t it be done now? There is no reason, other than the Illuminati convincing us it isn’t possible. See the Illuminati know that dinosaurs could tilt the balance of power away from them, and they refuse to let that happen. More specifically, Matthew Inman and Kenneth White refuse to let that happen. This is a battle for the future, the present, and the past. A battle which we cannot lose and direly need dinosaurs to help us win.

The proof is right there in front of you. Dinosaurs have been successfully cloned and weaponized since World War II. It’s possible, it’s practical, and any sane person will tell you, a gun toting T-Rex is an awesome idea.

Hyped,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Travis Tygart and Kickball

If there is one thing I know, it’s the pain of being picked last for kickball every single time. When the girl with one leg shorter than the other gets picked before you, it stings. I believe Travis Tygart knows my pain. Why else would he spend so much time trying to prove one of the greatest examples of human fortitude was a cheat? He’s that evil little kid on Disney shows that finds anyway to sully the protagonist’s reputation. He is also on an immense power trip that only I can truly appreciate, he’s gone full USADA Carreon. His perfection of douchebaggery is so almost perfect it makes me want to cry. What could make it actually perfect? Easy. Dinosaurs. He never once demanded dinosaurs from Lance Armstrong, or even schematics for a cloning device.

You always demand dinosaurs. It’s just good evil villain etiquette to demand extravagant things. I mean you might consider Travis demanding that Lance continue to defend himself even after federal investigators gave up on the case, even after he had passed every blood test given to him, even after proving previous allegations were false, as an extravagant demand… but it just doesn’t have the same ring as Tyrannosaurus Rex. This one oversight excluded, I am humbled by Mr. Tygart’s douchery and give hommage to his complete assholism.

In Awe,

Charles Carreon Esq.

 

Down Under.

The controversial billionaire is rumoured to be planning to clone a dinosaur from DNA so he can set it free in a Jurassic Park-style area at his new Palmer Resort in Coolum.

Crocodile Dundee say what? Who does this down under brother think he is? Dinosaurs are my schtick, and mine alone. You can’t go around talking about cloning dinosaurs, I trademarked the whole idea and will now be suing this billionaire into the stone age (pun intended). This guy has a lot of balls thinking he can just ride into the dinocloning business without the years of footwork I’ve put in? Who was drawing crayon pictures of a dinosaur DNA transmonogrammer back in the 70s? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. So Clive Palmer needs to take his attention mongering else where, because dinosaurs are all mine.

Anyways, how much is a billion Australian dollars worth in US Currency? 50 bucks right? Dude doesn’t have the capital to get this thing started, and even if he does how is he going to handle the Illuminati? I bet he didn’t think that through. We’ll see who’s laughing when Nazi shocktroopers come storming through his doors trying to assassinate him for flaunting his dinosaur plans around. I know it won’t be him, because he’ll be dead. Clive probably doesn’t even know about Wikipedia’s plot to destroy all dinosaur cloners. What a sap.

The One and Only DinoCloner,

Charles Carreon Esq.

The conspiracy continues.

I have started mapping this evil time traveling plot against me and the decency I stand for. It goes back centuries and time itself has been unraveled to attack me. It all started after the drafting of the United States Constitution. Did you know there were no guarantees of free speech in it? No these rights were amended through the Bill of Rights created in 1789 and ratified in 1791. The Constitution was created in 1787!

Do you see what I see? The Oatmeal sent his legions back in time to intimidate and coerce the leaders of our young republic to include the Bill of Rights! Why? So they could attack me! So they could say whatever they thought about me, and generally be mean stinky pants. This OTTC is wide ranging and at the root of every “freedom” that has been used to deprive me of my rightful due. They are changing our very history so they can bring me battle on multiple fronts!

This is like when they successfully convinced people the Earth revolved around the Sun. If the Earth moves around the Sun why does the Sun move in the sky? You can’t answer that, because it’s false. If the Sun was the center of the galaxy it wouldn’t move! Next they’re going to tell me the Moon changes in the sky because the Earth revolves around that too. Madness. I can’t begin to even understand how these Illuminati have infiltrated every aspect of the scientific community, but the proof is there. If I see it happen with my own eyes, I know it’s true.

Martyr,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Get Dave!

This Dave guy is supposedly linked up to the website charlescarrion.com. Now I am not 100% sure, but I am pretty sure he’s the reincarnation or clone of Dave Thomas. It’s gotten to this my dear readers (all but the hackers who comment on my blogs), these Illuminati have now begun a massive cloning program of past fast food historical figures to warp our minds and convince us to eat their hamburger lies. The CIA also controls another smiling fast food icon:

However I can see through his ketchup colored smile right into his Illuminati lies. See how he’s trying to be a Buddhist to throw us off? I wonder what he has on under that mustard colored jumpsuit. Probably a Nazi uniform, that’s what. I should have know McDonald’s is evil. Look into his hollow zombie eyes? Mind control? Yes. Of all things I know to be true, this is the most important fact of all:  You don’t put ketchup and mustard on a hamburger, you put ketchup on a hamburger and mustard on a hotdog. Proof that they’re trying to distort our sense of reality. How long have you been eating their Illuminati deception? I bet you’ve had their mustard flavored kool-aid at some point in your life. This all brings me back to their attempts to deceive the general public, a public I am trying to save by spreading the truth. Remember, if you can’t lick it, it isn’t real, but if it’s a hamburger and when you lick it, it taste like mustard, it probably isn’t real either.

You Won’t Be Lovin’ It,

Charles Carreon Esq.

The clock tolls at midnight.

I don’t set my alarm clock for midnight. So I just don’t get this saying. I think the saying is defamatory to my clocks because anyone who utters it is spreading falsehoods. I will not stand idle while people defame me, my property, or common sense. If I could, I’d sue whoever says that. It’s right up there with the supposed “moon landing” on my pet peeves list. The moon is above us, how could an “astronaut” stand upon it and not fall down onto the Earth? There is no way that’s possible, it’s common sense. Things fall down. I mean look at the quality of the video footage? They made it look all grainy to hide the cords as they ‘hopped” around on the movie set. I might have believed them had they used a digital camcorder, but of course then you’d see the strings attached.

Look at that! The flag’s shadow doesn’t even go in the same direction as the actor. You people are all mad to believe these Illuminati lies. Their “science” is just a tool of deception and enslavement. Can you imagine if they’re willing to fake something like this, what else they are willing to fake? It’s like these wikipedia people trying to tell me there is no 5 second rule when you drop your food on the ground. It’s just common sense that when you drop food on the ground, that the germs take time to crawl all over it. Everyone knows germs have limbs. I’ll remind you, these are the same “scientist” who told me I couldn’t clone dinosaurs. I can and will clone dinosaurs, I just haven’t figured it out yet.

Truth Speaker,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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