Month: February 2018

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Zounds! I am undone!

$45,100.25… the Illuminati judge couldn’t even spot me the quarter. Do you know how many late payments on a Prius I could make with that sort of money? Well the joke is on the litigation conspirators, I already spent all my money on Coprolite. The best part is that I am going to write it off on my taxes as a small business expense. So unless they want payment in the form of dinosaur shit, they are shit out of luck.

The joke is also on Judge Seeborg who said, “Then, in response to this motion for attorney fees under the Lanham Act, defendant engaged in unnecessary, vexatious, and costly tactics in preparation of his opposition to the motion,” because I don’t understand what he said here anyways. How was I vexatious? I was fighting off the evil Illuminati conspiracy and when you engage in such warfare there is no quarter.

I must now find safe haven away from these tyrannical people, they have bested me repeatedly by using my only oversight against me. I would have won in a fair fight, but I was naive to assume that the system hadn’t already been overrun, corrupted and perverted by the Illuminati. You see my friends, I never stood a chance, because they planned this all out. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Paul Levy or Ken White were in fact the admin of FunnyJunk. You see, as one of the last free thinking people of the United States, the Illuminati needed to publicly disgrace me. They laid out their trap and I stepped into it, like dog shit in tall grass.

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I need more time!

This is not a delay tactic to impose further unnecessary burdens upon the plaintiff and his counsel. It is quite simple, if I don’t get an extension of 4 months I won’t be able to complete my DinoCloner™ in time to storm California and redact my defeat. I am so close, so very close. Who would have thought that it was a simple matter of using copper wiring instead of uncooked spaghetti and blue crayon instead of red? I know this will work. Mr. Recouvreur will rue the day he said I was a censorious douchebag.

Imagine the scene as Tyrannosaurus Rex storms the court house shrieking in rage, blood boiling with murder, and teeth gnashing in berserk delight. It will be a glorious day as my dinosaur legion shreds through the very halls of justice that did me injustice. The blitz of dinosaur destruction. The melee of a truly Jurassic proportion. It will be blissful to obtain my revenge and I only need 4 months to make it happen. The Illuminati will flee my mighty dinosaur and I shall rid us all of the Nazi computer zombie horde.

Also for those of you following along on my DinoCloner™, make sure to wash your hands and wear gloves before touching any DNA samples. I accidentally spoiled a sample and all I cloned was a mutated midget version of myself. The little bastard ate all my cookies and now won’t come out of the dryer. He also bit my hand something fierce.

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This is how I thug.

This is how I thug(full text). Once my detractors don’t waffle after being threatened with six figure sums, and they show the annoying tenacity to continue to mock me and bring out unethical behaviors of my past, I like to go after their employment. One of the best douchebag moves, the most censoriously brilliant play, is to try and get your critics fired. It’s right up there with going after their uninvolved family members and photoshopping dicks on their faces. Everyone uses their work computer for personal tasks, just like me. Hence it’s really easy to get people fired that way.

Even if they don’t back down after being fired, hopefully they’ll go broke and lose the ability to pay for their internet or their defense. Either way I win. If they aren’t fired they still know that if they continue criticizing me, I’ll try to hurt them in any way possible, which also chills their speech. It’s all a direct ladder of thuggery:

Be thuggish douchebag censor on the internet.
Anonymous people criticize you on websites.
Threaten anonymous person with big cash judgements.
Threaten anonymous person’s webhost for their identity.
Use their identity to try to shame them.
Use their identity to find out their employer and harass them.

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