You see that cretins? You are legally bound. Bound I say. Bound to not defame my (hopefully soon to be) clients Amy and Samy of Amy’s Baking Company. You are nobodies, even if you were once somebody, you are not any more. Like the hammer of Thor dropping down on some ice giant, Amy’s Baking Company is going to come down on you feeble internet hooligans.

You’re so dumb, for real. You left your facebook names all over their page. We are going to find you, so even if you hide your kids and hide your wife, we’ll find you. You will be liable for breach of contract which won’t be dissolvable by bankruptcy or even an act of God.

I’ve warned the internet so many times. You can’t just go around bad mouthing legitimate businesses and expect white-hat lawyers to sit idly by. For now the wrath of Carreon is upon all of you facebook users, yelpers, and especially the vile stench filled puss sack, reddit.

Fresh of the victorious filing of my notice to appeal the Illuminati financed blogger and his nazi conspirators, I am refreshed and will bring down great vexatious legal torment upon the detractors of Amy and Samy. You are done ruining everything like our facebook page and ice cream sundaes. I bet you’re infuriating constant internet commenting is contributing to global warming too.

You know all those conspiracies that revolve around fluoride in your water? Well it’s true. I have proof too. One of the evil Popehat’s staunchest allies Adam Steinbaugh had once vexed me tirelessly, but now that I have learned the trick of fluoride mind control, also known as Cavity Oral Suggestion Technique (COST), he is fully under my control. To prove it, I submit these exhibits on the record:

You see!?! My new minion already does my righteous bidding. He has procured me a fine T-Rex skeleton made from metal to produce my first ever, Robosaurus Rex!!!!! That massive metal frame along with these unsuspecting schmucks who created a cheap $45 robot controlling super computer, I will be invincible!

So Popehat’s Legion of Haters better beware, I am coming for them and they should rightfully be afraid of torture. Hell hath no fury like a Carreon scorned. Soon I will be marching my army of Robosaurus Rex against the Illuminati. There is no stopping me now. The end nears for the dastardly cowards who oppose liberty. My first amendment right to threaten vexatious legal thuggery will be upheld!